It can be very upsetting when a child refuses to spend time with one parent following separation. This situation often places both parents under significant emotional strain and can quickly become a source of conflict, uncertainty, and concern about the child’s wellbeing.
Whilst a child’s wishes are important, the reasons behind their refusal need to be carefully understood before any decisions are made about future arrangements. Each situation is different and it is important to approach the issue calmly and sensitively.
Why Might A Child Refuse Contact
There are many reasons why a child may refuse to spend time with a parent. In some cases, it may reflect the emotional impact of the separation itself, changes in routine or feelings of loyalty, confusion or anxiety. In others, it may relate to difficulties within the parent-child relationship or concerns about a parent’s behaviour.
Sometimes children will struggle with transitions between homes or feel caught in the middle of parental conflict. Older children may also find it more difficult to adapt to arrangements that interfere with school, friendships or social activities. Where communication between parents has broken down, children can sometimes feel pressure, even unintentionally, to take sides.
It is important not to make assumptions or place pressure on the child without first understanding the underlying reasons for their reluctance. Reacting too quickly or emotionally can sometimes make the situation more difficult and place additional strain on the child.
Does A Child Have The Final Say
There is no fixed age at which a child can decide whether or not they will see a parent. The court will consider the wishes and feelings of the child, particularly as they become older and more mature. These are only one consideration, however, when determining what arrangements are in the child’s best interests.
The court’s primary concern will always be the child’s welfare, including their emotional wellbeing, stability and relationship with both parents. Whilst an older child’s views may carry greater weight, the court will still consider whether those wishes reflect the child’s long term interests and whether there may be external influences affecting their views.
The court is also careful not to place children in a position where they feel responsible for making adult decisions or choosing between parents.
What If There Is A Court Order In Place
If there is a Child Arrangements Order setting out contact arrangements, both parents are expected to comply with it. However, the court recognises that it may not always be appropriate, or possible, to physically force a child to attend contact, particularly where they are older or strongly resistant.
A parent is generally expected to encourage and support the child’s relationship with the other parent. This includes demonstrating a positive and constructive approach to contact, even where difficulties arise, while showing that reasonable efforts are being made to facilitate the relationship.
If contact is breaking down, it may be necessary to seek further legal advice or return to court to review the arrangements. The court may consider whether changes are needed to better support the child, reduce conflict or rebuild the relationship in a more gradual and manageable way.
How Can The Situation Be Resolved
In some cases, it is beneficial to involve mediators, counsellors or child specialists to help understand the child’s concerns and improve communication. Where appropriate, gradual or supported contact arrangements may help rebuild the relationship over time.
If court proceedings are ongoing, an officer from CAFCASS (Children and Family Court Advisory Service) may become involved to speak with the child and make recommendations about arrangements that best support their welfare. The aim is usually to promote a positive relationship with both parents where it is safe and appropriate to do so.
How We Can Help
Donna Goodsell states that situations where a child refuses contact can be emotionally challenging for both parents and children. Taking early legal advice can help you understand your responsibilities, address concerns appropriately and work towards arrangements that support your child’s wellbeing while protecting your relationship with them.
At Goodsells Family Law we provide clear and practical advice to parents navigating child arrangements following separation, ensuring that matters remain focused on the best interests of the child and that we achieve a fair and workable outcome.
How To Get In Contact
Contact us at Goodsells Family Law to discuss your situation and obtain tailored advice. Call us on 020 7622 2221 or email us at enquiries@goodsellssolicitors.co.uk.