It can be very difficult and upsetting if your child refuses to spend time with your former partner. This situation often places parents in a challenging position, balancing their child’s wishes with legal responsibilities and any existing arrangements. It can also create tension between parents and uncertainty about how best to respond.
Understanding how the law approaches this issue can help you respond in a way that supports your child while protecting your position and maintaining stability.
Do Children Get To Decide
There is no fixed age at which a child can decide whether or not to see a parent. The court will take a child’s wishes and feelings into account, particularly as they grow older and more mature, but these are only one factor in determining what arrangements should be in place.
The court’s primary concern is always the child’s welfare. This includes considering their emotional needs, their relationship with each parent, their overall wellbeing and whether continued contact is in their best interests. A child’s views will be given more weight as they get older, but they are not automatically decisive.
Why Might A Child Refuse Contact
There can be many reasons why a child may refuse to see a parent. These can include changes in routine, emotional responses to separation, anxiety about transitions between homes, or a breakdown in communication. In some cases, a child may feel caught in the middle of parental conflict or may be influenced, consciously or unconsciously, by one parent.
In other situations, there may be genuine concerns about the other parent’s behaviour or the child’s sense of safety. It is important to approach the situation carefully and sensitively, taking time to understand the underlying reasons rather than assuming a fixed position.
What If There Is A Court Order
If there is a Child Arrangements Order in place setting out when a child should spend time with each parent, both parents are expected to comply with it. However, the court recognises that it is not always possible or appropriate to physically force a child to attend contact.
A parent should not simply ignore the order, but they are expected to act reasonably. This includes encouraging the child to spend time with the other parent, facilitating arrangements where possible and demonstrating that they are supporting the relationship.
If contact is not taking place, it may be necessary to return to court to review the arrangements. The court will consider the reasons for the refusal and whether any changes are needed to better support the child.
How Can The Situation Be Resolved
In many cases, it is helpful to seek support from a mediator, counsellor or child specialist to understand the child’s perspective and rebuild confidence in the relationship. A gradual reintroduction of contact or changes to how time is spent together may also assist.
Where court involvement is necessary, the court may request input from CAFCASS to assess the child’s wishes and make recommendations about what arrangements would best support their wellbeing. This can provide an independent view of the situation and help identify a constructive way forward.
The aim is usually to find an arrangement that is workable, child focused and promotes a positive relationship with both parents, where it is safe and appropriate to do so.
How We Can Help
Situations where a child refuses contact can be complex and emotionally sensitive. Taking early legal advice can help you understand your responsibilities, manage the situation appropriately and take steps to protect your relationship with your child.
Goodsells Family Law provides clear, practical and compassionate advice to parents navigating child arrangements following separation. We work to support child focused solutions while minimising conflict wherever possible.
How To Get In Contact
Contact us at Goodsells Family Law to discuss your situation and obtain tailored advice. Call us on 020 7622 2221 or email us at enquiries@goodsellssolicitors.co.uk.